Top 10 Banned Baby Names
Choosing a baby’s name is one of the most tricky and lengthy
decisions a parent can make. Will the name be cute enough for a toddler
but still have the gravitas that a CEO might need? Is it easy to spell?
Does it sound like a rude word? So many questions, and most parents
spend their first pregnancy agonising over the decision (most spend
subsequent pregnancies chasing the older children around, so less time
to agonize).
But not all parents feel this way. Some choose to give their children names that they know will embarrass and confuse them for their entire life, so that’s where the authorities step in and tell them to think again. Marvel at all the mad monikers that were almost inflicted on some poor babies in our Top 10 Banned Baby Names.
It’s a Native American tradition that babies are named after the things the parents see around them when they give birth. So, if your baby is born in a certain way it could inspire the name you give it - like Sara Leisten of Gothenburg, whose baby was born with one arm in the air, in the manner of superman. So that was settled - baby Leisten would be “Staalman”, Swedish for “Man of Steel“. But sadly, the Swedish authorities are very strict on baby-naming (and there might be more on that later) and Staalman was rejected. In the more liberally-minded UK, “Superman” is perfectly acceptable and there have been two babies with the name since 1984. And there’s now one in New Zealand, but again…we’ll come back to him.
Now, this one seems a bit harsh – after all, Mona and Lisa are both legitimate names. But in Portugal, which has a few strict regulations on this sort of thing, the name is banned. Maybe because cruel classmates may associate it with the painting above. But maybe also because Portuguese authorities are very keen on regulation, and banning anything which doesn’t have a distinctly Portuguese flavor. In fact there is quite a list of outlawed names, most of them foreign but also some which have a connection to famous people – so Maradona is banned, as is Hendrix. There is some flexibility on the foreign names if the parents are foreign as well, but basically anyone giving birth in Portugal ha a fairly shallow pool of names to choose from. Ever wondered why there are so many Marias in Portugal? Now you know!
Damon’s a relatively normal name – famous Damons may be thin on the ground, but there’s the lead singer of blur and there’s a character from “The Vampire Diaries”, pictured above. Which is where the trouble started for one French couple, Lionel and Blandine Defontaine, when they decided to name their child after that character, only adding an extra “e” after the “a” to make it sound more French. However, the authorities decided that rather than sounding French, it sounded demonic and ordered them to change it. The case went to court, where the Defontaines insisted it had no Satanic overtones, and eventually they were allowed to keep the name. Hope little Daemon appreciates the trouble they went to.
Now, you can see the problems inherent in this one. Imagine trying to ever come up with a work e-mail address -it would cause the servers to melt down in frustration. But that didn’t bother one Chinese couple, who thought the Chinese symbol looked like “love him” and decided that was cute enough to saddle the poor child with these kind of worries his entire life. Naturally, the Chinese authorities banned it, as if there’s anything the Chinese authorities like it’s a good banning. They’re also keen on keeping Chinese affairs within China, which sadly means that we have little information of what other names might have been banned in the country. Maybe there’s a Baby # out there, to match the Baby Hashtag, born in San Francisco last year.
We’re back in Sweden, land of the lax attitude towards nudity but harsh attitude towards baby-naming, for this one. It’s perfectly legitimate to name a baby after a favorite movie star or character, but is it going too far if you try and name your baby after the band itself? The Swedish courts clearly thought so in 2007 when a couple chose “Metallica” as their name of choice, and appealed for their right to use it. Ironic that they chose that particular band, who had made their position on people using their name and material very clear in 2000 when they took Napster to court for copyright infringement. Metallica won their battle, and Baby Metallica won its own battle when the courts let the appeal stand. That’s sticking it to the man, tiny metal-head baby!
Remember all those Baby Supermen? Well here’s one that ended up as “Superman” because his parents’ first choice of name was too crazy. It happened in New Zealand in 2007 - Pat and Sheena Wheaton saw an ultrasound of their son-to-be and, in their own words, realised it was “for real”. So that’s what they wanted to call him – “4Real” The government registry objected, and so “Superman” was the obvious second choice but don’t worry – they vowed to still call him “4Real” in the privacy of their own home. Because how will a child know that he is real unless you constantly remind him of it? Especially when you’ve chosen to name him after a fictional superhero that can fly – there’s every chance that he might forget just how real he is. And he even has a personalised t-shirt to remind him too. Bet he regrets it now he’s six!
What’s with these parents and their satanically-named children? I mean, you can just about get away with “Daemon” if you claim that it’s just “Damon” with an extra letter but what about Lucifer? (New Zealand again – 6 cases, apparently) Or the couple in Japan that went with “Akuma”, which means “Devil” in Japanese. It was 1993 and the father that chose it had to go through a series of legal wranglings before being allowed to use the “demon” character in the name. He may have been pleased with his victory, but within a few years the family had split up, Akuma had been sent to an orphanage and, when asked in 2006, his mother had no idea of his whereabouts. So think carefully before invoking any dark spirits on your children’s birth certificate – it may come back to haunt you. Although he does have the privilege of sharing a name with a character from “Street Fighter” (pictured above)
Another Asian naming disaster now, and one of many bizarre names to emerge from Malaysia. There’s “Chow Tow”, which means “smelly head” and “Khiow Koo”, meaning hunchback but my particular favorite has to be “Sor Chai”, which means “insane”. It’s the purity of it that’s so beautiful. And yes, most newborn babies are a bit insane. But the most insane thing is that parents seem to think these are viable names to give their children -little wonder then that Malaysia tightened up its naming laws in 2006 and now parents can no longer name their children after Japanese sports cars, any kind of animal or insect…and even fruit and vegetables are banned! You have to hope Gwyneth Paltrow never needs to name a child in Malaysia…
Just time for one more trip to Sweden, and it’s the heftily-named Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, whose parents objected so strongly to the strict naming legislation that they apparently fainted on the keyboard of their computer and chose to name their baby after whatever was on the screen afterwards. Or maybe they let the baby choose the name itself by thumping on the keys? Either way, the name didn’t get far with those notorious Swedish courts, and the parents (Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding) were fined 5,000 kronor. Of course, this all happened around Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116′s 6th birthday, because they hadn’t bothered to name him before then – again as a protest. In case you were wondering, it’s pronounced “Albin”.
It takes quite some imagination to come up with a name that’ll trump this lot, but a couple from New Zealand managed to do that, with “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”…but they lost their daughter in the process. At the age of 9, the girl with a clause for a name was taken into care and made a ward of the court so that she could choose a new name for herself. She had previously referred to herself as “K” because a name like that just doesn’t get lived down easily (although you have to wonder why she didn’t just call herself “Talula”). In the ruling, the judge said of the name: “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily”. Since changing her name, the girl has unsurprisingly disappeared from public view and it’s not known whether she is back with her parents or not. But it’s a cautionary tale to all wannabe-wacky-namers – it might seem like a joke to you, but it might backfire horribly.
But not all parents feel this way. Some choose to give their children names that they know will embarrass and confuse them for their entire life, so that’s where the authorities step in and tell them to think again. Marvel at all the mad monikers that were almost inflicted on some poor babies in our Top 10 Banned Baby Names.
10. Staalman
It’s a Native American tradition that babies are named after the things the parents see around them when they give birth. So, if your baby is born in a certain way it could inspire the name you give it - like Sara Leisten of Gothenburg, whose baby was born with one arm in the air, in the manner of superman. So that was settled - baby Leisten would be “Staalman”, Swedish for “Man of Steel“. But sadly, the Swedish authorities are very strict on baby-naming (and there might be more on that later) and Staalman was rejected. In the more liberally-minded UK, “Superman” is perfectly acceptable and there have been two babies with the name since 1984. And there’s now one in New Zealand, but again…we’ll come back to him.
9. Mona Lisa
Now, this one seems a bit harsh – after all, Mona and Lisa are both legitimate names. But in Portugal, which has a few strict regulations on this sort of thing, the name is banned. Maybe because cruel classmates may associate it with the painting above. But maybe also because Portuguese authorities are very keen on regulation, and banning anything which doesn’t have a distinctly Portuguese flavor. In fact there is quite a list of outlawed names, most of them foreign but also some which have a connection to famous people – so Maradona is banned, as is Hendrix. There is some flexibility on the foreign names if the parents are foreign as well, but basically anyone giving birth in Portugal ha a fairly shallow pool of names to choose from. Ever wondered why there are so many Marias in Portugal? Now you know!
8. Daemon
Damon’s a relatively normal name – famous Damons may be thin on the ground, but there’s the lead singer of blur and there’s a character from “The Vampire Diaries”, pictured above. Which is where the trouble started for one French couple, Lionel and Blandine Defontaine, when they decided to name their child after that character, only adding an extra “e” after the “a” to make it sound more French. However, the authorities decided that rather than sounding French, it sounded demonic and ordered them to change it. The case went to court, where the Defontaines insisted it had no Satanic overtones, and eventually they were allowed to keep the name. Hope little Daemon appreciates the trouble they went to.
7. @
Now, you can see the problems inherent in this one. Imagine trying to ever come up with a work e-mail address -it would cause the servers to melt down in frustration. But that didn’t bother one Chinese couple, who thought the Chinese symbol looked like “love him” and decided that was cute enough to saddle the poor child with these kind of worries his entire life. Naturally, the Chinese authorities banned it, as if there’s anything the Chinese authorities like it’s a good banning. They’re also keen on keeping Chinese affairs within China, which sadly means that we have little information of what other names might have been banned in the country. Maybe there’s a Baby # out there, to match the Baby Hashtag, born in San Francisco last year.
6. Metallica
We’re back in Sweden, land of the lax attitude towards nudity but harsh attitude towards baby-naming, for this one. It’s perfectly legitimate to name a baby after a favorite movie star or character, but is it going too far if you try and name your baby after the band itself? The Swedish courts clearly thought so in 2007 when a couple chose “Metallica” as their name of choice, and appealed for their right to use it. Ironic that they chose that particular band, who had made their position on people using their name and material very clear in 2000 when they took Napster to court for copyright infringement. Metallica won their battle, and Baby Metallica won its own battle when the courts let the appeal stand. That’s sticking it to the man, tiny metal-head baby!
5. 4Real
Remember all those Baby Supermen? Well here’s one that ended up as “Superman” because his parents’ first choice of name was too crazy. It happened in New Zealand in 2007 - Pat and Sheena Wheaton saw an ultrasound of their son-to-be and, in their own words, realised it was “for real”. So that’s what they wanted to call him – “4Real” The government registry objected, and so “Superman” was the obvious second choice but don’t worry – they vowed to still call him “4Real” in the privacy of their own home. Because how will a child know that he is real unless you constantly remind him of it? Especially when you’ve chosen to name him after a fictional superhero that can fly – there’s every chance that he might forget just how real he is. And he even has a personalised t-shirt to remind him too. Bet he regrets it now he’s six!
4. Akuma
What’s with these parents and their satanically-named children? I mean, you can just about get away with “Daemon” if you claim that it’s just “Damon” with an extra letter but what about Lucifer? (New Zealand again – 6 cases, apparently) Or the couple in Japan that went with “Akuma”, which means “Devil” in Japanese. It was 1993 and the father that chose it had to go through a series of legal wranglings before being allowed to use the “demon” character in the name. He may have been pleased with his victory, but within a few years the family had split up, Akuma had been sent to an orphanage and, when asked in 2006, his mother had no idea of his whereabouts. So think carefully before invoking any dark spirits on your children’s birth certificate – it may come back to haunt you. Although he does have the privilege of sharing a name with a character from “Street Fighter” (pictured above)
3. Sor Chai
Another Asian naming disaster now, and one of many bizarre names to emerge from Malaysia. There’s “Chow Tow”, which means “smelly head” and “Khiow Koo”, meaning hunchback but my particular favorite has to be “Sor Chai”, which means “insane”. It’s the purity of it that’s so beautiful. And yes, most newborn babies are a bit insane. But the most insane thing is that parents seem to think these are viable names to give their children -little wonder then that Malaysia tightened up its naming laws in 2006 and now parents can no longer name their children after Japanese sports cars, any kind of animal or insect…and even fruit and vegetables are banned! You have to hope Gwyneth Paltrow never needs to name a child in Malaysia…
2. Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116
Just time for one more trip to Sweden, and it’s the heftily-named Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, whose parents objected so strongly to the strict naming legislation that they apparently fainted on the keyboard of their computer and chose to name their baby after whatever was on the screen afterwards. Or maybe they let the baby choose the name itself by thumping on the keys? Either way, the name didn’t get far with those notorious Swedish courts, and the parents (Elisabeth Hallin and Lasse Diding) were fined 5,000 kronor. Of course, this all happened around Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116′s 6th birthday, because they hadn’t bothered to name him before then – again as a protest. In case you were wondering, it’s pronounced “Albin”.
1. Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii
It takes quite some imagination to come up with a name that’ll trump this lot, but a couple from New Zealand managed to do that, with “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”…but they lost their daughter in the process. At the age of 9, the girl with a clause for a name was taken into care and made a ward of the court so that she could choose a new name for herself. She had previously referred to herself as “K” because a name like that just doesn’t get lived down easily (although you have to wonder why she didn’t just call herself “Talula”). In the ruling, the judge said of the name: “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily”. Since changing her name, the girl has unsurprisingly disappeared from public view and it’s not known whether she is back with her parents or not. But it’s a cautionary tale to all wannabe-wacky-namers – it might seem like a joke to you, but it might backfire horribly.
Top 10 Banned Baby Names
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