Top 10 of the Best Kinds of Drunken Texts Ever

 

 10. Hagrid, Is That You?

When you’re convinced you see someone famous
We’ve all been drunk and seen someone who looks like a celebrity and we can’t help ourselves but tell this person how much they resemble that celebrity. Well, when we say celebrity, what we really means is either a hobbit, or someone from Harry Potter.

9. Trying to Pee in the Chow Mein

Someone needs to text for you
You know your paralytic when the takeway man is sending texts for you. Also, when you’re dressed as a wolf, talking to yourself and you can stomach two bottles of vodka, it may be time to take what the Chinese guy said in your text seriously.

8. IIm$m goods I’m a liL drinmkl

When you’re too drunk to see your phone
A common stage of drinking too much is denial. We convince ourselves that we’ve only had a few when in reality the pub has had to close down as it has no beer left to sell. But when you text like a person with fat fingers, it’s probably best not to text the night away.

7. Swam my Button

When you turn into a comedian
When you’re drunk and you have found your funny hat, it’s probably best not to text someone who is sober. The chances are they won’t get your humor even though you’re creasing on the floor. Especially when you want to ask them if they want to goose.

6. Five Knuckle Shuffle Anyone?

Family members should be off limits

You know how we said in the beginning of the article about a system to stop you from texting if you ever got too drunk? Well the same system should automatically block all numbers to family members. Especially your parents numbers and the home answering machine.

5. I’m a Whale. No, I’m an Octopus!

The serial texter
When you get to a certain type of drunkness, you not only start to feel good, but you usually text the same person each time. But when this person is discussing the possibility of blocking your number, it maybe a good time to re-evaluate if it’s a text worth sending.

4. I Reply to Myself, so What

When you start replying to your own texts
The iPhone text system is set out in a way that everyone understands: The grey text is incoming texts and the green is outgoing. If you see a green text then, it’s probably not best to reply to it. It makes it worse as the other person in the text will still see what you wrote.

3. Go! Pikachu!

When you can’t remember what happened
It’s the best feeling in the world when you wake up and you’re like what the f*ck happened last night. Then there’s 80% of you that never wants to find out and 20% that’s kind of curious. But when you’re mistaking hamsters for Pokemon and going around throwing them on the floor, it’s best not to turn your phone on in the morning to read your texts.

2. Are you drunk, Sir?

When you text in words
When you text in words rather than sentences, it probably best to give up texting for the day. Also, when autocorrect is being a botch, it’s kind of also best to place the phone down and back away from it.

1. Snoggled on Light Boys

When autocorrect works in overtime
Haha, when your autocorrect is having a good time, it means you’re drinking like a king. So go to the bar and asking for another one as only good things can happen the more you carry on.
If you are unsure if you have an alcohol problem, the best thing to do is check your outbox folder on your phone the day after a night out – all your questions will now be answered.